A month ago I reached the halfway mark and thought I had broken my two-week cycle of getting out of something that felt like dating.
Well, I was wrong.
It started as lunch and grew into something more. But I decided not to buck things and just go with the flow.
Does this mean I gave up on God? Hardly. Does it mean I need a man more than God? Not at all.
Honestly, I was struggling with an existential crisis. Turning 40 and not being where I want to be in life hit me harder than I would like to admit. I didn't want to be alone for my birthday (even though my friend and I didn't do anything super special for my birthday because I spent it with family).
There are times in life when you want or need an actual person. I needed one and he was there.
Am I using him? I would say no because I am genuinely interested in him. I couldn't spend much time alone with a guy unless I could see potential for more. Yet, there is some nagging feeling in the back of my mind that maybe I'm overlooking something I shouldn't. Maybe that's traces of the old relationship still lingering.
Perhaps that tingling feeling is my subconscious telling my head what my heart doesn't want to hear.
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