When God Winks {Do It Afraid}

Since the beginning of this year, a theme has been repeating in my life: Do It Afraid. It was in my devotion this morning as well.

All semester I had to give presentations in front of my class. It didn't matter if there were 3 people or 15, my heart would start to race and words spilled out of my mouth faster than my mind could process them. 

Each time I had to get up there and do it afraid. And each time I gave a presentation, it got a little bit easier.

Then I had to talk in front of a group of 30 for work. I could feel my heart racing yet again but tried my best to calm my nerves and talk loudly and clearly.

Next was a sewing workshop for a dozen kids. Like many things, I know enough about sewing to be dangerous...and to teach the basics. When I started talking, my heart was pounding. The words were jumbled in my head and coming out of my mouth. But when I got into the hands-on part, I was in my element. I'm teaching another workshop next week, so it must have gone better than I feared.

Now I've entered a time in my life where I must love afraid. It's scary to date again. It's scary to put myself out there and be vulnerable again. It's scary to kiss more frogs hoping this one might be my prince. 

But if you don't put yourself out there, whatever it is, and do it afraid then you might miss out on a wonderful experience.

What are you willing to do afraid?

6-Months Later {And I'm Dating}

Last month I mentioned that I had created an online dating profile and met a couple of nice people. Well, one of those nice people and I have made a connection and started dating.

Honestly, I didn't expect it to go anywhere. He lives an hour and a half away and invited me for lunch or dinner since here works in my town from time to time.

The dating website said we weren't a good match. 

You answer a series of questions and based on your responses, the dating site tells you what percentage match you are with the other person. I had already turned down some other guys who looked nice enough because the numbers were below 50%.

Some things you can overlook. I don't like scary movies, but the other person might. That is something we can work around.

Other things are deal breakers. If the other person doesn't want a monogamous relationship, then I'm not interested in pursuing more with them.

But there was something there that the website didn't take into account...a human connection that can't be explained by answering questions or crunching numbers...a gut instinct. So, I decided to see where it will lead.

I didn't quite make it all 6 months with no dating, but I had already decided not to put that pressure on myself this time around.

Already this relationship has emphasized my need to just be. No schedules. No timelines. No pressure to reach milestones. 

Just relax and take a deep breath and just be in the moment.

Friday Reflections {Looking Back to Move Forward}

This has turned into a week of reflection.

I got to peer into a world of music and travel and hear about rubbing elbows with the rich and famous. Those things are appealing to a lot of people, but what made me smile the most this week is the prayers of my children, talking with old farmers, and making a new friend. I enjoy moments of glitz and glamor, but that is not how I want to live my life every day.

I went to the concert of an artist that I saw for the first time right after I moved here. I didn't realize it had been so long until they announced the date at the beginning of the show. It stirred up memories of all the things that have changed in the last 6 1/2 years.

I'm definitely in a better place emotionally. Those days where I barely had the strength to crawl out of bed to take care of my kids are long gone. Things that used to bother me don't as much any more.

I think I'm in a better place spiritually too although I still have a lot of room to grow. I have tried to maintain some daily quiet time to be renewed.

I'm in a better place physically. I am jogging on a regular basis and feel fit and healthy.

My mind is probably the only thing I was able to hang onto all this time. Although the cognitive dissonance at times between what was said and what was done frustrated me, my mind continuing to work helped me sort things out.

It's not the journey I would have chosen, but I can see that I am in a much better place.

Motivation Monday {Trusting God for Direction}

By faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed and went out to a place he was going to receive as an inheritance. He went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he stayed as a foreigner in the land of promise, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, coheirs of the same promise.  For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose architect and builder is God. - Hebrews 11:8-10 HCSB

This was the scripture the preacher used at church yesterday. His message was directed at graduating high school seniors, but I heard the message in there for me too.

Abraham did not know where he was going. I've heard this part before many times, but it clicked for me yesterday. My life is a journey and I don't always know where I'm going. Even when I have a good plan, it doesn't usually go exactly as expected.

The preacher went onto add that when Abraham finally got to this place that God promised him, it looked nothing like he expected. It was going to require work.

How many times have we built an ideal in our mind of the way something should be? 

I have prayed that God send me a partner for a while now. I have a long list of qualities that I think he should possess. These aren't shallow things like blue eyes and a nice tan. It's a list of character traits that I think the right person for me and my boys should have.

So what happens when the person standing in front of you doesn't come in the package you expected? Open the package anyway and peel off all the layers of wrapping. You may find something inside that's even better than what you prayed for. It's important not to limit the way God may work in your life. That is easier said than done.

The preacher also pointed out that 500 years after Abraham entered the promise land, his family, generations later, was able to walk through vineyards and draw water from wells that he started. It took time for that vineyard to grow and become established. It didn't happen overnight.

I have to remind myself to slow down and take time to get to know someone. Grow in love instead of fall in love. I don't have to have all the answers immediately. God isn't in the habit of giving me those answers in advance anyways.