And Just Like That...

I made it 8 months without dating. Without really trying not to date.

Well, there was that feeble attempt at online dating back in July.

What have I done instead?

1. Graduated with my master's degree.

2. Took my boys on an epic 2-week vacation.

3. Started a new job.

4. Became more involved in the state organization for my profession.

5. Started running again.

After trying so hard before to make it 6 months without dating, I did it with ease. Obviously, there have been lonely moments, but I didn't give in to the urge to take whatever was available for the sake of having a someone. 

The question now is have I learned the lesson I needed to learn so I can move forward. Time will tell...

I Feel An Old Weakness Coming On Strong

I did it again.

I tried online dating one more time.

I tweaked my profile and narrowed down what I was looking for in a mate. The messages and profile views began to roll in. 

It seems pretty obvious that if my profile says I'm looking for someone 38-50, then 24 is too young. Yet I had guys trying to connect who where young enough to be my son. I know that age difference isn't a big deal to some people, but I find it creepy when I could be your mom.

I was down to 2 guys who I was hearing from on a regular basis. Both were involved in church.

Unfortunately, red flags were waving for both. 

This time I did do something different. I listened to the warning bells. I didn't ignore them. I didn't rush to meet up with anyone. Nothing developed with either guy.


And I took down my dating profile again.

Not the happy ending I was secretly hoping for.

But I am proud of myself for walking away from less than what I wanted and less than what I deserve.

How Quickly Things Change

The day after I posted about my victory traveling alone with my kids I felt the old pangs of loneliness.

So much has changed in the last two years for the better. I now have a master's degree. I have a new job lined up. I have a better relationship with my children.

But there is still an empty place in my heart.

So I tried something new last night. I went to the Saturday night church service and then attended a single-parent Bible study group. It ended up being more of a support meeting than Bible study last night, but it was nice connecting with other adults - mostly women - who share similar struggles with their exes or with raising their kids.

I plan to try again next week and see how well it fits for me. 

All By Myself...Well Not Quite

We did it!

16 days. 12 states. 8 state capitols. Lots of places in between.

I took an epic road trip with my boys by myself. And we made it!

Yes, there were fights and tears but there was also bonding and laughter.

Yes, there were moments I was lonely and wished there was another set of hands to drive the car and discipline the children. But I also realize another set of hands meant another opinion...another person's needs to be met.

On one of those long, lonely stretches of road, I thought about life. And I realized I was grateful for all the wrong guys who weren't there to object to where we were eating dinner, where we were staying for the night, or that I was even going on the trip in the first place.

I knew my parents were praying for us. And I felt God's hand protecting us.

No, every moment wasn't picture perfect. But it was still spectacular!

I Made It!

Finally!

It's been two years since I decided to finish my master's degree. Last week I walked across the stage at graduation!

My family was there. No boyfriend. No significant other. And I'm okay with that.

I did it! Without a man! OK, I guess you could count my dad since he did babysit while I went to class. And if you are reading this, know that you can do it too!

For too long, I've looked for someone else to complete my life. The only constant source of love and support has been God.

These last two years I attempted to date in between going to class and taking care of my kids. I've seen a few moments of high, but there's also been lots of lows by being let down repeatedly by bad choices. Really, I let myself down. I made the choice to pursue something with them, even if only for a short time.

I think I've finally made peace with being alone.

Would I like to meet someone and have this relationship I've been longing for? Of course! 

But God's going to have to drop him in my lap. 

Until then, I'm going to focus on my new job coming up in the fall and spending time with my children.

Hanging On

Today someone asked how I was doing. I told them I was hanging on like a hair in a biscuit.

Horrible visual, I know. But it's also fitting.

Lots of good things seem to be going on in the world around me, but I'm not so much enjoying them as I am hanging on for dear life so I don't completely miss out.

I still haven't connected with people at church. I don't meet up with my friend in town. My family has been fighting off the latest round of germs circulating the school. I'm trying to press through the next 2 months and get to graduation.

Then what? I'm not sure. I'm applying for jobs so I can figure out the next step. But everything is up in the air right now.

So I'll keep hanging on...hoping that things will improve soon.

Is there a hair or not a hair?

Does Distance Make the Heart Grow Fonder?

He's a great guy. He gets my humor. He knows my story and I don't have to explain it again.

So why isn't this working?

Because it's hard to have a relationship with someone who is 6 hours away. 

There's only so much that FaceTime and phone calls can do to bridge the distance. Meeting every 3 to 4 weeks in person is good, but it's not the same as being able to stop over one evening for supper when you live in the same town. 

So this weekend I ended my romantic relationship.

We've pledged to remain friends and revisit the idea of dating in a couple of months. We've texted today just like we usually do, so I'm not sure we either one really want to take that step back. But the pressure of maintaining a relationship with someone that far away was weighing on me.

Can distance make the heart grow fonder?

Time will tell.

Cautiously Optimistic

The relationship with my friend from high school has continued to grow and blossom into something more.

My boys and I visited him over the winter break. He played tour guide for us while we were in Texas. It was a casual way to introduce my boys to him. Plus it gave me a chance to see if he had what it takes to put up with my boys.

He passed with flying colors!

When we returned home, my mother commented on how polite the boys were being. She knew we had been working on manners, but the boys had changed so much during our time away. 

It's because of my friend. He consistently encouraged them to speak kindly to the wait staff at meals and to me throughout the day. 

Could this be the person I've been searching for? He's definitely been a positive influence on them. If he had this kind of impact after 4 days, imagine the next 10 years for them.

I've found hope again just when I was ready to throw in the towel on dating.