6-Months-No-Dating {5 Months Down}

Last Friday made 5 months of no dating. Whoopty do. I should probably more pleased with myself, but it's getting to where this feels like one more deadline to meet. I didn't start out this round to require myself to go all 6 months. Now I'm so close, I feel like I should try to make it.

Loneliness has a way of sneaking in. A couple of weeks ago, I decided to sign up for online dating. A friend had recommended a site where she met someone. It's free, so I didn't have much to lose.

A couple of my best photos and witty comments later, I had a profile. I've gotten messages from scammers and those who only want sex. But I've also chatted with a couple of nice people. Getting to know someone takes time, so we'll see if it goes anywhere.

In the back of my head is this nagging thought that I'm supposed to be growing closer in my walk with God during this time. I have to confess that has not happened like it should. 

I've been busy surviving school. My daily devotion time has felt rushed. Another day and another box checked.

As I wind down the semester, I see that month of free time stretching out ahead of me threatening lonely weekends and empty dance cards. Instead of dwelling on what could be or what isn't, I need to find a way to focus on time with my kids and quiet time.

Friday Reflections {On a Saturday}

It's been one of those weeks. You know the kind...where every little thing that can goes wrong does. Or at least it seems that way.

And just when you think it's time for things to improve, something else goes wrong.

Yep, that's been my week.

I was trying to work on my "legacy" this week by loving on my boys, spending quality time with them, and introducing them to new things.

Added to that is the opportunity to work on another part of who I am...part of my legacy.

Resilience.

In my life, I have been knocked down more times than I care to count. I know it could be worse, but the challenges seem to come in the form or fashion that fit the person. You get hit where it hurts the most.

So this week I have practiced pushing through problems and frustrations. I let my kids see me be weak and then get up and keep moving. I want them to know it's okay to get discouraged but they don't have to stay down. Keep pressing on!

Motivation Monday {What Is Your Legacy?}

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  - Matthew 6:19-21

In class tonight we discussed what gives meaning to a person's life. What do you value? What do you put your heart into? How do you want to be remembered?

Good questions that should make you pause to see if you are on track for where you think you should be. If not, are you willing to do what's necessary to accomplish the goal?

Loving Yourself {One Year Later}

That's right. It's been one year since Mr. X and I parted ways. 

I have seen him driving around town a handful of times. The first couple of times I felt my heart rise up in my chest threatening to pound right out of my body. I don't know why I got so nervous. Maybe it's because I was still hurting and missing him.

After not seeing him for several months, I saw him again about a month ago. That sense of fear and dread was gone. It didn't occur to me immediately, but I realized later that I had let go of the hurt and he no longer had a hold on me.

I haven't heard one peep out of him in the last year. Usually people pass a milestone...a birthday or New Year's...and reach out to see how the other person is doing. Not Mr. X. I haven't contacted him either since that Sunday last June where I saw him at church.

He never apologized for his part. I don't expect to ever hear from him again or for him to apologize. That's not who he is. As painful as it was, he did me a favor by not committing to me. He wasn't ever going to be completely committed to me or anyone else. 

I'm in a better place now. I'm not dating by choice. But I am surrounded by love.

April Fools...the Joke's on Me

Yesterday after giving the dud the cold shoulder for 3 months, I decided to be kind instead. I spoke more than two words. We almost had a real conversation even.

The dud stopped by my office again today. He's been coming by about twice a week to check behind his cleaning crew, so I wasn't entirely surprised to see him in the office before lunch.

Since I opened the door a little yesterday, he tried to pursue more conversation today. This time he asked what went wrong with us. I look at him and asked, "Are you serious?"

He said he was, so I asked if I should start with the lying or the other women. He asked if I thought anyone else could lie besides him. It was a humorous exchange to me. Eventually I told him he was dismissed because I didn't have anything else to say about it. He laughingly said I was mean. I assured him that he has not seen me really mad yet. He shook his head and went on his way.

After lunch a man came through the front door of the office carrying a basket of flowers for me. Gerber daisies, pink and yellow roses, and waxflower...some of my favorites.The card said, "You are Beautiful!" but didn't have a name signed to it.

I figured it was from the dud. It was a hand-written note, but I haven't seen much that he has written.

A call to the florist confirmed that it was from the dud. He didn't get me flowers for my birthday while we were dating but he sends them now? You just can't be nice to some people without them thinking there is more going on between the two of you.

The dud came back in later that afternoon with one of his cleaning crew members. They vacuumed and swept the floors but he never mentioned the flowers. I wonder if he will tell me they are from him.

It is flattering to receive flowers, but not as exciting when you know it's someone who is a "no."