I've wondered about that recently. I have seen Him around me, but I haven't been so sure He was talking to me. He winked at me several times today.
I left my grandmother's house about an hour and a half away and decided to find a church to visit on the way home. I made it all the way back to my current hometown before stopping. I had a passed a church and felt prompted to visit. Honestly, I considered skipping and going to see a friend. But I felt convicted to go to church, so I turned around and went to the place I was prompted to visit. It was going to work out well since they had just started their morning service.
That's when I saw Mr. X's car. Why would God want me to come to church here?
When we entered the sanctuary, I saw him sitting on the left in the back row, so I took the boys over to the right side. I was praying and trying to focus on why God wanted me there. Then the preacher began reading the parable of the unforgiving servant from Matthew 18. How much has God forgiven me? Can't I forgive Mr. X? God was winking because I have prayed about this subject many times recently.
Tears quietly streamed down my cheeks as I scrambled to find a napkin in my purse. I couldn't look over his way. Our eyes had already met once during the offering with both of us waving a feeble hello. He probably wasn't looking at me anyways, but I didn't want him to think I was crying over him. Maybe some of those tears were about him though.
The preacher continued his sermon emphasizing not letting one more day go by without forgiveness. It was like God was blinking both eyes as if to say, "Hey, I mean you!" The preacher continued on to say we are told before making an offering to reconcile with our brothers. This same scripture was in my Knight book, which in this passage emphasized forgiving, reconciling and unconditionally loving someone who is holding you back from reaching the hem of Jesus. I desperately want to get to Jesus, even if it's only to touch his hem! Again, God was winking.
I knew what I had to do. I've never seen Mr. X move so quickly as he did heading to his car today. With kids in tow, I chased him down. After ignoring me the first time I called his name, he turned around and said hello. The boys ran up to hug him. I asked him to wait as I quickly ushered them to the car.
With air conditioning running, boys were situated in the car. Tears streamed down my cheeks again as I took a deep breath to say my piece. I told him I had truly loved him. He said he had loved me too. I told him I wanted him to be it. He said he did too. I said I was sorry for trying to change him. He said I wasn't getting what I wanted and that's what people do. I said it wasn't my job to change him and I was sorry for that. He said it was okay and that it just didn't work. I told him that was all I wanted to say. He patted me on the back and left.
Cold. No apology for anything he did. And that hurt.
The author of the Knight book said loving someone unconditionally means not expecting anything from them - not even an apology when they have hurt you.
So I have to trust that God is pleased. I did what He asked. And it's more important to please Him than any man. I'm hoping God winks at me again before bedtime tonight.
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