6-Months-No-Dating {2 Months Later}

It's feast or famine.

How you noticed how when you are looking for someone to date, there is no one around? Yet, here I am trying to be single, and men are finding me.

Maybe it's the challenge of an unavailable woman that appeals to them and their need to win. Maybe they are genuinely interested in me. I believe if the later is the case, then they will be around in four more months. But that doesn't necessarily make them the right person for me.

I do know that I'm not ready. I've been keeping a log of how I feel about men the last two months. I can see where I am still a roller coaster of emotions where men are concerned. Every couple of weeks, my attitude varies between thinking I might be ready to open my heart again to being content to be single until my kids are grown and possibly longer.

I know that hurt is still lurking somewhere deep inside. Last week showed me that. There are still some wounds that need time to heal.

I have also realized that I've been filling my time the last few months by staying busy. The activities keeping me busy are positive, but it's not leaving me the time I need to spend with God. So my goal for the next four months is to carve out more time for my relationship with Him. 

Motivation Monday {Are You Following Directions?}

This is what the Lord says—
    your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
“I am the Lord your God,
    who teaches you what is best for you,
    who directs you in the way you should go.  - Isaiah 48:17

Friday night, I rented a movie from Redbox for my boys. After viewing the movie that night and again on Saturday morning, I told them it was time to return it so we wouldn't get charged for another night of renting.

I asked my 9 year old if he wanted to return the movie to the box. I know that he has been craving more independence lately, so I thought this was a good opportunity to let him learn something new and feel like a big boy. 

Before he left the car, I showed him the red side with the arrow and explained that the movie had to be inserted with this side facing him and the arrow pointing into the box. I watched as he walked up and pressed the buttons on the screen to return the movie.

Then he proceeded to insert the movie with the wrong side facing him and the arrow nowhere to be seen. I crack open the car door and tell him to flip it over, which he proceeds to do but flipped it from its horizontal position to a vertical position with the wrong side still facing him. So I tell him, "No, flip it the other way." He continues to flip it around and shove it towards the machine only to find that it still isn't working. 

I found myself getting frustrated but managed to keep my cool and not fuss at him. I finally thought to tell him to flip it from front to back. He caught on and sent the arrow in the right direction. Success!

This exchange made think about our relationship with God. How many times has He given us instructions, but we didn't listen to what He was telling us? Or how many times do we try to figure it out for ourselves because we think we know a better way? 

What path has God been trying to lead you down? Are you willing to let Him instruct you?

6-Months-No-Dating {Red Flag of Courage}

Why is it that when you aren't looking or interested, the men are readily available?

Two weeks ago a former co-worker tried to introduce me to a man. She said he was such a nice guy and good looking and hard working and a good father. These are all great characteristics I would like in my knight. But then she mentioned that his divorce isn't quite final. Red flag #1.

I explain to her that I'm not dating right now, but I can be a friend because I have been through divorce. I was also organizing a singles bowling night for my friends, so he could come and meet some new people, several of whom are divorced parents. It would be an hour and a half drive one way, but he would be welcome to join us.

So this potential knight calls me to talk. I am not a talk-on-the-phone person. I answer the phone at work. And as a solo mom to two kids, I don't have much time for walking around with a phone stuck to my ear. Texting is a great option since I can pick up my phone, say a little something, and then come back to it later.

After one week of texting and a few phone calls, my potential knight sent me flowers. Red flag #2. It was all happening too fast for me. All the phone calls plus flowers in one week. This was starting to resemble dating. I tried to quell my concerns and consider that he is someone who is hurting and hasn't dated in 10 years.

During our conversations, there began to be other little red flags that popped up. I tried to squash them also, marking it up to my being hurt from past relationships. Then some of his behavior the night of bowling had me viewing my potential knight as more of the court jester. My gut was saying that something wasn't right.

Then I got an unexpected punch in the gut on Monday. I received an innocent text from Mr. X's sister related to work. Seeing the name on my phone made me realize that there is still some hurt. I'm still not ready for dating. And it gave me and courage to escape from this "friendship" that was spiraling into more than I wanted or needed.

My potential knight didn't understand. After 6 months of being separated, he is ready to move on with someone new. He thought I should be closer to where he is. But I'm not.

At the end of the day, I know I need this time to heal. If this guy is supposed to be my knight in shining armor, then he will be around when my 6-month of no dating ends.

Random Acts of Birthday Kindness {Let the Kindness Begin!}

To celebrate my upcoming 40th birthday, I decided to follow an idea I came across a couple of years. Since this is a milestone birthday, I wanted to do something extra special. But this isn't just something special for me. I want to spread the joy of life to other people as well!

The idea is to do 40 random acts of kindness for the rest of the year. I asked my Facebook friends for suggestions on what to do. They came up with some great ideas I had not considered. The simplest is one I've done before: buy the meal for the car behind you in the drive-through line at a restaurant. The most complicated was a doozy: get 40 friends to agree to cook 40 Thanksgiving meals for 40 families. I still count on my mom or grandmother to lead the way when cooking for Thanksgiving, so I'm not sure that's in my wheelhouse. 

There were plenty of ideas that are doable. Here are a few:

1. Collect books for dialysis patients to read while they get treatment.

2. Visit the nursing home.

3. Invite someone to a meeting.

4. Bake cookies for friends and neighbors.

5. Take a meal to a new mom.

6. Make care packages for cancer patients receiving chemo.

7. Ask a friend how they are doing and actually listen.

This past Friday night I did my first random act of birthday kindness. I invited a bunch of single friends to join me for bowling. As a surprise, I paid for 2-hours of bowling for all my friends who attended that night.

Maybe that doesn't seem very random. But these are the people who are there to pick me up when the chips are down. Seems like such a little thing to do for friends who have been so good to me.

What are some ideas you have for random acts of kindness?

Friday Reflections {Time to Hang Out}

Have you spent time on the vine this week? Do you make time to just hang out with God? Like any relationship, it takes spending time together to grow.

Motivation Monday {Are You Spending Time on the Vine?}

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."  - John 15:5

Are you having trouble getting everything done on your to-do list? And where does time with God fit into this schedule?

How can I bear fruit when I'm struggling to find time to cling to the vine?

I try to squeeze in a few minutes for devotion in the morning before work. On days I'm running behind, that doesn't happen. 

Last week a friend shared that God woke her in the middle of the night so He could spend time with her. It reminds of the many nights I found myself awake with worry. Eventually, I started using that time to pray for whoever crossed my mind. 

The next time time you find yourself awake in the wee hours of the morning, try using that time to draw closer to the vine. 

6-Months-No-Dating {Better Off Alone?}

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

I'm the helper. What do you do when the man you are with decides he would rather be alone?

Not dating has given me some free time. I have found a way to fill the void with school, kids, work, running, and friends, which doesn't leave much time for reflecting. I think I subconsciously filled this time with activities to avoid thinking. 

Over the 4th of July holiday, I had some down time. I'm starting to think I am better off alone - at least for now. I don't want anyone else to walk out on my boys. The best way to avoid that is not to get involved. I have friends who waited to date to protect their kids. One even waited until her kids left for college to remarry.

I think about all that goes into getting to know someone again. I think about taking another year and a half to get to a place where I think marriage is truly an option. I think about what I really do or don't want to deal with in future relationships. I'm not excited about ex-wives and visitation weekends. I have enough to handle on my own. I'd like that someone who can love just us. Maybe I need to rethink my expectations.

Perhaps I will feel differently at the end of my 6-months-no-dating period, but I'm leaning towards staying single for a while. We were created for relationships, but this might be a season of singleness for me.

Friday Reflections {Independence Day}

Today is the 4th of July, the day the United States celebrates its freedom. Have you worked on being free this week?