I have seen him driving around town a handful of times. The first couple of times I felt my heart rise up in my chest threatening to pound right out of my body. I don't know why I got so nervous. Maybe it's because I was still hurting and missing him.
After not seeing him for several months, I saw him again about a month ago. That sense of fear and dread was gone. It didn't occur to me immediately, but I realized later that I had let go of the hurt and he no longer had a hold on me.
I haven't heard one peep out of him in the last year. Usually people pass a milestone...a birthday or New Year's...and reach out to see how the other person is doing. Not Mr. X. I haven't contacted him either since that Sunday last June where I saw him at church.
He never apologized for his part. I don't expect to ever hear from him again or for him to apologize. That's not who he is. As painful as it was, he did me a favor by not committing to me. He wasn't ever going to be completely committed to me or anyone else.
I'm in a better place now. I'm not dating by choice. But I am surrounded by love.
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