Does Distance Make the Heart Grow Fonder?

He's a great guy. He gets my humor. He knows my story and I don't have to explain it again.

So why isn't this working?

Because it's hard to have a relationship with someone who is 6 hours away. 

There's only so much that FaceTime and phone calls can do to bridge the distance. Meeting every 3 to 4 weeks in person is good, but it's not the same as being able to stop over one evening for supper when you live in the same town. 

So this weekend I ended my romantic relationship.

We've pledged to remain friends and revisit the idea of dating in a couple of months. We've texted today just like we usually do, so I'm not sure we either one really want to take that step back. But the pressure of maintaining a relationship with someone that far away was weighing on me.

Can distance make the heart grow fonder?

Time will tell.

Long-Distance Limbo

The last couple of months have been strange. 

I've been talking with an old friend from high school. It's easy... the way I think dating should be. He knows my story and I don't have to explain the ugly parts. He's already heard them.

But there is distance.

He's closed to gap by moving closer. He's no longer 20 hours away but now 6 hours away. That's still a long drive.

Somehow I haven't noticed the distance as much as I have before with other relationships. Maybe it's the comfort level we have as old friends. I don't feel as pressured to be "on" like I have at the beginning of other relationships.

Maybe I haven't noticed the distance because I've been so busy with another semester of school. And knocking out my on-site hours. And taking care of my kids.

At one point in the semester he worried that he was distracting me from school. I was feeling bad because I didn't think I was giving him the attention he deserves. It's a strange new place to find myself...someone who thinks of me as much as I think of them.

Attempting to date long-distance is challenging. But this time I think I've found something that's been missing.

Too... Far... Apart...

A week and a half ago I was wondering how far is too far apart.

Apparently I wasn't the only one wondering this.

Today my boyfriend broke things off with me. Over the phone. Oh, the joys of long-distance relationships.

He said he couldn't do this any more. I had to ask for clarification of what "this" is.

Since we visited church together he's been thinking about our differences in faith as well. He said he has to be true to himself.

I wasn't going to beg and I didn't. I have begged before and I know how useless it is when someone has already made up their mind. Besides, I won't have to beg the right person to stay.

But I did try to explain a couple of things. Because even when people try not to make it personal, a break-up is taken personally. So I felt like I needed to explain my position a little.

I was concerned about our differences in faith. I was trying to respect where he is. My counselor had told me not to rush things and quit worrying and just let things happen. I had peace when I left her office.

Yet in his self-examination, my guy arrived at a different decision.

He told me I am awesome. Most days I think I am. It's hard to believe that when the person saying it is breaking up with you. He told me my kids are awesome. They are! He said we needed someone who shared our beliefs to be part of our lives and that's not where he is.

I thanked him for his honesty. But I was confused because in early conversations he said if things got serious down the road that he was willing to take his family to church if that's what needed to happen. He said he thought he could do it, but he was wrong.

My faith has been important to me for a long time. When I had no one, I had Jesus. I am not giving that up for any man. I had left a lot of room for this guy to be who he is even when it didn't line up with my own beliefs. 

There has been an honesty and authenticity in this relationship that has been missing with so many with "Christian" men I've dated. That is probably what I will miss the most. And his wit. And his smile.

Ok, I love him. That doesn't stop just because someone ends a relationship. But I will do what I've always done....put one foot in front of the other.

How Far Apart Is Too Far?

We are much closer than this. :)

It's a tough question to answer.

Are we talking about physical distance? I've only tried long-distance dating one other time before this relationship. Being three hours apart became too much back then. But when things went south, it provided a much-needed cushion between us.

This time around I am only and hour and a half away from my guy. Some days it might as well be three hours. One benefit is the distance makes us treasure the moments we do get to be together. The distance also keeps us from rushing things because we can't be with each other every free minute.

What about emotional distance? Maybe it's not so much distance as difference. People speak different love languages. Based on a quiz I took, I prefer acts of service and quality time. Sometimes the physical distance makes the emotional distance challenging. If your someone special speaks a different love language, it can be difficult to adjust to meet their needs. But adjusting is what we need to do for people we care about.

Then there's the issue of spiritual distance. Does your someone special view God the same way you do? The chances of seeing everything exactly the same are pretty slim. So how far apart on your beliefs can you be and remain together? That's the question I'm really struggling with today. I'm trying to be sure that I'm not reading more into things than is there...that I'm not chasing a rabbit down a hole.

How far apart is too far?