Too... Far... Apart...

A week and a half ago I was wondering how far is too far apart.

Apparently I wasn't the only one wondering this.

Today my boyfriend broke things off with me. Over the phone. Oh, the joys of long-distance relationships.

He said he couldn't do this any more. I had to ask for clarification of what "this" is.

Since we visited church together he's been thinking about our differences in faith as well. He said he has to be true to himself.

I wasn't going to beg and I didn't. I have begged before and I know how useless it is when someone has already made up their mind. Besides, I won't have to beg the right person to stay.

But I did try to explain a couple of things. Because even when people try not to make it personal, a break-up is taken personally. So I felt like I needed to explain my position a little.

I was concerned about our differences in faith. I was trying to respect where he is. My counselor had told me not to rush things and quit worrying and just let things happen. I had peace when I left her office.

Yet in his self-examination, my guy arrived at a different decision.

He told me I am awesome. Most days I think I am. It's hard to believe that when the person saying it is breaking up with you. He told me my kids are awesome. They are! He said we needed someone who shared our beliefs to be part of our lives and that's not where he is.

I thanked him for his honesty. But I was confused because in early conversations he said if things got serious down the road that he was willing to take his family to church if that's what needed to happen. He said he thought he could do it, but he was wrong.

My faith has been important to me for a long time. When I had no one, I had Jesus. I am not giving that up for any man. I had left a lot of room for this guy to be who he is even when it didn't line up with my own beliefs. 

There has been an honesty and authenticity in this relationship that has been missing with so many with "Christian" men I've dated. That is probably what I will miss the most. And his wit. And his smile.

Ok, I love him. That doesn't stop just because someone ends a relationship. But I will do what I've always done....put one foot in front of the other.