6-Months-No-Dating {3 Months and I Didn't Even Try Not to Try}

And just like that, three months have passed without falling for another Mr. Wrong. 

So I've only been to dinner with one male friend who cannot be moved out of the friend zone because we've been in that zone too long. He's a great guy...for someone else. I tried to set him up with someone and it didn't pan out. That's another reason he has to stay in the friend zone. It would hurt my friend if he and I connected now.

While it is comforting to avoid more terrible choices, it has been a little lonely. That pesky holiday with hearts, candy, flowers, and dinner came and went with little fanfare. 

I did hear from the boundary pusher that day. He wished me a Happy Valentine's Day. I wish him a happy single awareness day. He replied that he was definitely that and that he was heading out for a hike that afternoon. The way it was worded, he left the door open so I could invite myself to join him on his hike. No, thanks. I was busy that day taking my boys to basketball and visiting with my sister who was in town. 

I guess I should be excited that someone could still be interested in me. Somehow it's not that flattering.

Most days I find another assignment due for class which leaves little time for thinking about my single status.

I know I don't have to have a man. But I would like a someone special to share life with. Pressing on...

Motivation Monday {Betrayal & Backstabbing}

Listen to my prayer, O God,
    do not ignore my plea;
hear me and answer me.
   My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught
because of what my enemy is saying,
    because of the threats of the wicked;
for they bring down suffering on me     
    and assail me in their anger. - Psalm 55:1-3

Betrayal in any form hurts. Sometimes it's easier to overlook and forgive. 

Mistakes happen. Accidents happen.

But when it becomes clear that someone has sabaotaged you intentially, it hurts. Especially when it is someone who should have your back instead of thrusting the proverbial knife in it.

I am struggling to find a Biblical response. I want justice. I want them to get called out for their bad behavior instead of getting away with it again.

Lord, help me leave justice in your hands and know when to speak up for myself.

Loving Yourself {I'm OK Without You...Really}

In all my years, I have never had this happen. I think I'm being stalked.

Usually when there is a break-up, I talk to whoever I was dating within a few weeks. You start to wonder "what if" and get in touch with the other person to see if they are wondering the same thing.

Not any more.

The red flags were all around with the dud, the last guy I dated. I could see them waving and tried to ignore them and give him the benefit of the doubt. But the truth came out that the flags were right and I needed to walk away.

Apparently, he can't take "no" for an answer. 

He works in my building and keeps finding excuses to stop by our floor the last two weeks after being invisible for a month. Why now? 

Maybe he truly sees that he screwed up with me and wants another chance. But I'm going to guess that things didn't work out with whoever he was pursuing, so now he's got time to chase me down for an answer to "what went wrong." Nevermind that he disappeared after giving an ultimatum that I was supposed to know was a joke.

No, I'm not going to chase after you. You did me a favor by being a jerk. No, I don't wonder where things went wrong. I can see that I should have never entertained the idea of a relationship with you. No, I don't want to try again. I'm thankful God closed that door.

I think about the lyrics from a Cowboy Mouth song: "I might love you, yeah. But I love me more." Not that I loved him. But I do love myself enough to say "not again."

I'm ok without you in my life...really!

6-Months-No-Dating {Two-Month Mark...Again}

This week has been a parade of ex's and bad potential partners. On Tuesday alone, I saw the last dud, the ex almost fiance, the boundary pusher that wanted to date, and then my ex-husband called the boys. So many wrong choices, so little time...

I've reached the two-month mark again of no dating. I'm still not imposing a required limit of 6 months this time around. But based on the selection in this town, I should sail right through it. I have settled one too many times in the past. 

 I am not desperate. 

And neither are you.

I can be alone....even though I'd rather not be some days. Plus who has time to be alone with a full-time job, two kids, and three grad school classes? I'd love to just be able to sit quietly in one place and read a book, that's not required reading, and relax.

Alone time sounds really nice right about now.

Friday Reflections {I Survived Another Week}

My faith has struggled this week. I know what I'm hoping for, but I'm definitely not seeing it...yet. Somehow I have managed to hang on despite all the obstacles that came my way. I suppose that's what you call grace. Hoping my faith improves with some rest this weekend.

Motivaion Monday {Yes, On a Tuesday}

Have you noticed how when you have a Monday off for a holiday that there's twice as much to do on Tuesday? Then it feels like the Monday you missed double teaming you with Tuesday.

Today was one of those days.

At work, letters that should have been sent last week suddenly needed to be sent today. I appreciate the vote of confidence to pull rabbits out of my hat, but there was no way to get everything done today. 

Added to that was the stress of class tonight that included a presentation. It was a rough weekend trying to decide if I really felt like finishing grad school instead of running away to join the circus. Grad school won, so I found myself scrambling to finish an assignment due today with my time off yesterday. I did manage to complete the assignment but felt like I was rolling into class on two wheels. 

It is easy to only post the good things that happen and pretend you don't struggle with any problems. But that's not how the real world works. Some days you just have to get up and put one foot in front of the other even when you don't feel like it. 

Loving Yourself {Is He Committed to You?}

You know that feeling of loss when a relationship ends that you thought was going somewhere? And suddenly you realize you were doing most or all of the work and he was reaping all the benefits. You continued to build the fantasy of your future together and he let you. Maybe he even encouraged you with phrases like "you are not like other girls I've dated" or "this is the best relationship I've ever had." In the end, he walked away. Or maybe you had to walk away because you realized he was NEVER going to commit to you.

In a blog titled The 'New' Side Chick, Miss T.N. King nails it. We've become a place holder until someone else comes along. It's time we love ourselves more and walk away from men who aren't good to us or for us.