Life is hard. No one gets out alive. Few people get through without any bumps and bruises. So when I meet someone new, I listen to their story and I find myself watching and observing to see who the real person is.
A friend tried to set me up with someone new back in August. I wasn't quite ready and had to let go of some hurt to put myself out there again.
And then I found myself waiting.
My initial hesitance caused him to pause. And even after deciding I was ready to move forward, he had cold feet.
This week he finally decided to be all in too. Until he wasn't.
He received some troubling news related to his family. I sympathize greatly. It's news that would upset me too. But with this troubling news, he has retreated. He warned me that he probably would.
I get that people deal with problems in different ways. I've tried to give space for him to sort through his emotions. I have things going on too, but he's not checking on me. He can find time to post on FaceBook but not text me.
Once again I find myself silently waiting and wondering where I fit in.
The truth is, he's telling me that I don't fit in. He's showing me who he is. He may be an overall nice guy, but right now he's treating me like a doormat.
I deserve better.
Now that I've been able to step back and evaluate things without emotions overwhelming my thoughts, I realize there are a few lessons to be learned from my most recent dating experience.
1. Let Go
Let go of rigid ideas about how life is supposed to be and how things are supposed to turn out. So you're looking at the top of the head of the person standing in front of you. Forget what's on the outside and focus on what's on the inside.
Let go of needing to have all the answers. Trying to control things tends to frustrate me more. Sometimes I need to let go and just be. Maybe you need to do the same.
2. Hang On
Hold tight to the things that are important. Depending on your age or experience or both, you have a list of dealbreakers in place. Stick with them. You arrived at these dealbreakers for a reason.
If you are allergic to dogs, and don't want to date a man with pets, then don't. It doesn't mean he's not a nice guy. It just means it won't work for you. Save each other some time and heartache and go your separate ways so you can find the person who is a better fit for you.
3. Love People Where They Are
You and your someone special don't have to agree on everything. He likes country and you like jazz. Maybe you prefer to be Baptist and he's Methodist. If it's not a dealbreaker, then roll with it.
We want people to accept us with all our flaws and mistakes. Are we willing to do the same and accept their imperfections?
Some of these are more of a refresher, but apparently I like doing things the hard way. Here's to doing better next time!
What lessons have you learned from dating?
