Life is hard. No one gets out alive. Few people get through without any bumps and bruises. So when I meet someone new, I listen to their story and I find myself watching and observing to see who the real person is.
A friend tried to set me up with someone new back in August. I wasn't quite ready and had to let go of some hurt to put myself out there again.
And then I found myself waiting.
My initial hesitance caused him to pause. And even after deciding I was ready to move forward, he had cold feet.
This week he finally decided to be all in too. Until he wasn't.
He received some troubling news related to his family. I sympathize greatly. It's news that would upset me too. But with this troubling news, he has retreated. He warned me that he probably would.
I get that people deal with problems in different ways. I've tried to give space for him to sort through his emotions. I have things going on too, but he's not checking on me. He can find time to post on FaceBook but not text me.
Once again I find myself silently waiting and wondering where I fit in.
The truth is, he's telling me that I don't fit in. He's showing me who he is. He may be an overall nice guy, but right now he's treating me like a doormat.
I deserve better.
That is why I did not even consider myself worthy to come to you. But say the word, and my servant will be healed. - Luke 7:7
Yesterday at church, the preacher talked about the centurion who was humble and confident. He was humble because even though he was a man of high ranking within the Roman world, he knew he was less than Jesus. The centurion showed his faith by showing confidence that Jesus could heal his servant without stepping foot in his home. And Jesus did it.
Then the preacher started poking at old wounds. I imagine I wasn't the only who felt that way. He asked how many of us had given up on praying about something in our lives because God hadn't answered yet and things weren't happening the way we wanted.
The preacher encouraged us to begin our prayers again. He lead the congregation in a prayer to renew marriages, repair broken finances, and bring lost people to Jesus.
I have things I've let drop. Sometimes it's hard to trust God's timing when we feel like we've been going through for long enough. It's hard to believe that God loves us when we see other people doing the wrong thing and being blessed (or at least appearing to be blessed) when we are trying to follow Him yet seem stuck in the same place.
How many of us are waiting for God to speak something into our lives? I know I have friends who are praying for circumstances in their life to improve. We have to keep praying and keep believing.
And I need to keep praying for them.
I left church yesterday full of hope that things will get better and prayers will get answered.
