Long-Distance Limbo

The last couple of months have been strange. 

I've been talking with an old friend from high school. It's easy... the way I think dating should be. He knows my story and I don't have to explain the ugly parts. He's already heard them.

But there is distance.

He's closed to gap by moving closer. He's no longer 20 hours away but now 6 hours away. That's still a long drive.

Somehow I haven't noticed the distance as much as I have before with other relationships. Maybe it's the comfort level we have as old friends. I don't feel as pressured to be "on" like I have at the beginning of other relationships.

Maybe I haven't noticed the distance because I've been so busy with another semester of school. And knocking out my on-site hours. And taking care of my kids.

At one point in the semester he worried that he was distracting me from school. I was feeling bad because I didn't think I was giving him the attention he deserves. It's a strange new place to find myself...someone who thinks of me as much as I think of them.

Attempting to date long-distance is challenging. But this time I think I've found something that's been missing.

Weighing My Options

After living here a couple of months, I know I need to get out and meet people. I love my kids, but I need adult interaction.

I reinstated my dating profile, and the messages started flowing in. I felt uncertain about trying to date again. I let several days pass while I sat on my feelings. Twiddling my thumbs at home isn't helping me meet people, so I answered a couple of the messages.

One of the guys got frustrated that I didn't answer immediately. He could see I was on the dating website. He assumed that I was ignoring him because his next message to me was that it looked like I was too busy on the site to respond and that it was nice chatting with me. I let him know I was sidetracked by my kids and nice chatting with him too.

No one needs that kind of pressure. Even if it hadn't been my kids, I might have stopped looking at the site to check laundry. Or I might have been considering a thoughtful response. Give people a chance to reply. What his response showed me is that he is self-centered. Thanks for saving me from you!

And that guy's response reminded me that I really don't feel like dating again right now. It's not that I relive it with each telling the way I used to. I'm just tired of thinking about it.

I am shaped by my past, but it doesn't define my future.

Yes, I want to meet someone special, but I don't think that's going to happen online for me. That night I deleted my profile and found myself back at square one.

Another option is to join a Bible study group. No, I don't plan to do this to find someone to date. It would be nice to get out and meet other adults besides the ones where I work. Plus it would be nice to connect with other believers. Between my school schedule and more parents' work, I'm not sure how I will be able to do that unless childcare is provided.

There are running groups along the Coast I would like to join. The exercise would help lift my overall mood. Additionally, it would give me an opportunity to meet new people. Unfortunately, I have the same problem of school and work schedules.

I know I need to do something differently to get a different result. The question remains of what to do.

True Colors Shining Through

Life is hard. No one gets out alive. Few people get through without any bumps and bruises. So when I meet someone new, I listen to their story and I find myself watching and observing to see who the real person is. 

A friend tried to set me up with someone new back in August. I wasn't quite ready and had to let go of some hurt to put myself out there again.

And then I found myself waiting.

My initial hesitance caused him to pause. And even after deciding I was ready to move forward, he had cold feet.

This week he finally decided to be all in too. Until he wasn't.

He received some troubling news related to his family. I sympathize greatly. It's news that would upset me too. But with this troubling news, he has retreated. He warned me that he probably would.

I get that people deal with problems in different ways. I've tried to give space for him to sort through his emotions. I have things going on too, but he's not checking on me. He can find time to post on FaceBook but not text me.

Once again I find myself silently waiting and wondering where I fit in.

The truth is, he's telling me that I don't fit in. He's showing me who he is. He may be an overall nice guy, but right now he's treating me like a doormat.

I deserve better.

Be Your Own Cheerleader

Some days are tough.

You wake up tired. Your kids aren't listening. Your coworkers are grumpy. And it's not even Monday.

Today I find myself having to be my own cheerleader. Today I have to remind myself that I'm pretty awesome even if I'm not perfect.

So the kitchen wasn't spotless when I left the house this morning. But I did manage to put away the clean dishes before I left.

Maybe there are four loads of laundry to fold. At least there are clean clothes when someone runs out of socks. Hopefully, that will get taken care of tonight.

I may not have a husband or boyfriend but I'm a catch. The right guy will know I'm worth pursuing. I won't have to spend my time chasing him, but I will be ready to let him know I'm interested.

This is one of those days where my life feels like it is in limbo. But when I'm my own cheerleader, I remember my blessings. It's hard to stay down long with so much to be thankful for.

Motivation Monday {Confident While Praying and Waiting}

That is why I did not even consider myself worthy to come to you. But say the word, and my servant will be healed. - Luke 7:7
 
Yesterday at church, the preacher talked about the centurion who was humble and confident. He was humble because even though he was a man of high ranking within the Roman world, he knew he was less than Jesus. The centurion showed his faith by showing confidence that Jesus could heal his servant without stepping foot in his home. And Jesus did it.


Then the preacher started poking at old wounds. I imagine I wasn't the only who felt that way. He asked how many of us had given up on praying about something in our lives because God hadn't answered yet and things weren't happening the way we wanted.

The preacher encouraged us to begin our prayers again. He lead the congregation in a prayer to renew marriages, repair broken finances, and bring lost people to Jesus.

I have things I've let drop. Sometimes it's hard to trust God's timing when we feel like we've been going through for long enough. It's hard to believe that God loves us when we see other people doing the wrong thing and being blessed (or at least appearing to be blessed) when we are trying to follow Him yet seem stuck in the same place.

How many of us are waiting for God to speak something into our lives? I know I have friends who are praying for circumstances in their life to improve. We have to keep praying and keep believing.

And I need to keep praying for them.

I left church yesterday full of hope that things will get better and prayers will get answered.

When You Aren't Quite Ready

I made it through my month-long manbattical with no trouble. Between moving and school, I didn't have time to worry about being alone. In fact, I had a week with no kids and limited adult interaction which was a much needed break and time to gather my thoughts. I also used that month to catch up with old friends.

Now I've returned to a place I lived over 15 years ago. I have a couple of friends who are still here, but there are so many new faces. Plus I'm meeting new people with my job.

New doors are opening, and I'm not sure I'm ready to walk through any of them. 

I'm not missing anyone else. My heart isn't ready to love again yet. Getting to know someone is even a scary prospect. One day I will be willing to give away my heart again. But for now...

3 Dating Lessons Learned

Now that I've been able to step back and evaluate things without emotions overwhelming my thoughts, I realize there are a few lessons to be learned from my most recent dating experience. 

1. Let Go
Let go of rigid ideas about how life is supposed to be and how things are supposed to turn out. So you're looking at the top of the head of the person standing in front of you. Forget what's on the outside and focus on what's on the inside.

Let go of needing to have all the answers. Trying to control things tends to frustrate me more. Sometimes I need to let go and just be. Maybe you need to do the same.

2. Hang On
Hold tight to the things that are important. Depending on your age or experience or both, you have a list of dealbreakers in place. Stick with them. You arrived at these dealbreakers for a reason. 

If you are allergic to dogs, and don't want to date a man with pets, then don't. It doesn't mean he's not a nice guy. It just means it won't work for you. Save each other some time and heartache and go your separate ways so you can find the person who is a better fit for you.

3. Love People Where They Are
You and your someone special don't have to agree on everything. He likes country and you like jazz. Maybe you prefer to be Baptist and he's Methodist. If it's not a dealbreaker, then roll with it.

We want people to accept us with all our flaws and mistakes. Are we willing to do the same and accept their imperfections?

Some of these are more of a refresher, but apparently I like doing things the hard way. Here's to doing better next time!

What lessons have you learned from dating?